It’s been a decent week.

I got my nano PRP injections today (it’s Friday).

The stem cells from umbilical cords.

My knees feel cushioned this afternoon.

So does my left big toe.

My knees have been incredibly painful the past two weeks or so, so it’s a welcomed relief.

My doctor said, just before I went under this morning, that he’s excited for me.

That most people start to feel some relief within about 4-6 weeks.

But it takes others 2-3 months until they start feeling the relief.

So, I gotta give it some solid time to kick in.

And he also told me I can’t, or shouldn’t, rather, get any other knee or left big toe injections for at least the next several months.

So I need to take it easy for now.

Because that option isn’t in the playbook right now.

But it’s pretty fucking cool that I have stem cells in me.

I’m really hopeful.

I’ve been excited today with the relief they’ve already provided – the lubricated feeling is amazing.

But they usually feel this good day of injections.

But, I’m hoping this is a different good.

A better good.

I didn’t ask if they have lidocaine in them.

Usually cortisone shots have a bit of lidocaine in them, for my knees at least.

But I doubt this had any.

Which is another good sign with the smoother feeling already too.

I woke up on Saturday morning with the same aches and stiffness though.

Same with Sunday.

But Monday was a touch less.

So maybe the shot did have some lidocaine.

I’m not sure.

When I get up in the morning I have to stand next to my bed for a solid minute and a half to two minutes before I can properly walk.

I have a walker that I’ve been debating using lately and I should use it.

I’m just too prideful.

Even though no one would know but you.

Because I’d call myself out in here.

It’s just hard – admitting that I need to use it.

But I hold onto my bed and the wall as I start to walk every morning until they run out.

Then I hobble to the next set of furniture to aid me.

I was put under for the injections on Friday.

And despite that, I lowered my Haloperidol dose again this week from 5mg to 2.5mg per day.

I was splitting the 5mg tab in half and doing half in the am and half in the pm.

But my nutritionist has me on a high dose mixture of niacin (vitamin B3) and vitamin C.

And so far it seems to be helping with my psychotic symptoms.

It’s really, really encouraging.

The combination of the two were in a study years back for being helpful with reducing psychotic symptoms.

Then it was debunked and then studied again.

Turns out it’s mildly helpful for like 20-30% of people.

Well, I very well may be in that percentage.

I haven’t been having as much breakthrough radio ratio type noise the last couple of weeks.

I know that could be the ebb and flow of my disorder.

But it could also be the high doses of niacin and vitamin C.

So I brought down my haloperidol to see if the niacin and vitamin C can substitute, even through the anesthetics.

I figure this is the best test of all, right?

Worst case scenario, I go back up on my haloperidol and they figure out what to do about bone loss issues down the road with my high prolactin levels.

I may need to.

I may not.

We’ll see.

But I figure it’s a good time to test it out.

Because my Paliperidone could be the culprit for my high prolactin levels too.

It could be working in tandem with the haloperidol to spike it like it has been.

I see an endocrinologist in a few weeks to get some answers, or, really, probably to pose more questions is what’ll happen, ha!

That’s what usually happens.

But I’m looking forward to it.

They’ll no doubt be more bloodwork done.

More pokes and prods.

But I’m used to that part.

It’ll be nice to see a specialist and see what he thinks of my thyroid and prolactin levels.

On a totally different note there was something else I wanted to talk about this week too.

I go to group therapy at my therapist’s office a few times a week.

It’s nice.

It breaks up the week and gives me a chance to talk about the more mundane things that we don’t have time for in one on one therapy.

Well, I don’t know if y’all remember, but a while back I talked about how someone blew up at me there, in the office, during a life skills class.

It was quite dramatic.

And the drama continues because she’ll leave when it’s my turn to share in these groups.

I know it shouldn’t bother me.

That it’s a reflection on her and her poor attitude and inability to be an adult.

But it still makes me feel like a piece of shit.

That I’m not worthy of being heard, even by her.

And I know that’s her point in doing it.

She wants me to feel like a piece of garbage.

That she can’t be bothered with what I’m going to say.

That whatever it is that I’m going to talk about, she has better things to do.

Even if that better thing is nothing.

I know she’s doing this to irk me.

Well, the thing is, it’s working.

It makes me feel utterly horrible.

Because she’ll leave just before it’s my turn.

And won’t come back in the room and I know she’s doing it on purpose.

I just happen to be sharing last lately.

So when the second to last person is wrapping up, she leaves the room.

It makes me not want to go there anymore and I know that’s what she’s trying to do.

She’s trying to create a wedge between my healing and this place and I don’t want it to work.

But I’m at a loss on how to ignore it.

She’s working my last nerve and the thing is, is that I didn’t do anything to her in the first place.

Everything that happened in the past, she did to herself and she’s too unhealthy to see that.

And that’s not my fault.

That’s not my problem.

And I know I should remember this as she’s leaving the room.

That this is a reflection on her – not me.

But it’s like she’s now making it my problem by being rude and walking out of the group.

The thing is you’re not supposed to just walk out of group like that unless you’re triggered or have to use the bathroom.

Not because you’re childishly mad at someone for something you think they did to you last year.

When it was really something they did to themselves.

I dunno.

It’s just frustrating is all.

And I feel like I’m at a loss.

I know I should just ignore it, but it’s hard.

Anyway, I hope I get relief from the nano PRP injections sooner rather than later. 

So far today (it’s Monday) my knees did feel a touch better upon waking up.

They weren’t as stiff as they usually are.

I know it could just be a good day, but I can’t help but think it’s the nano PRP at work.

-Keren