Tag: stress
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Pain and a Walker
My pain levels are finally starting to recede! I hope I don’t jinx anything by saying that. And the pain isn’t all gone, it’s just dulling. It never fully leaves. But my inflammation is way, way, down and practically back to normal, and that’s amazingly awesome. I walked Bruce a little while today even, and…
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Pain and Tardiness
My body has been hurting so, so bad this week. I’m in the middle of a fucking inflammatory arthritic flare now. My right knee hurts so, so, so bad. And so does the left one, and my left foot, and my left ankle. But my right knee is taking the cake again today pain wise.…
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Sleep and Others
There were more auditory hallucinations over this last weekend. They seemed to have drifted off throughout the week though. They got quieter. It was just a lot of mumbles and feeling like I’m in a crowd, or there’s a group of people just out of eyesight chatting. I can’t tell the words at all for…
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Aging and Others
I had my appointment with my psych NP, Alex this Tuesday, and he switched me to the oral Invega! Technically it’s the generic, Paliperidone, which is just fine with me. He said the main reason he wanted to talk to me is because it’s a bigger change than I think. I’m going from a very…
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What A Birthday Week
I’m so annoyed with my psych clinic. I’ve been waiting over a week to be switched from the brand name Invega injections, to generic, oral, Paliperidone. They’re the same thing, but one is a shot, and the other is a tablet. And the nurse there just told me on Tuesday that he (the psych NP,…
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A Medication Change
I’m waiting on a call back from the nurse at my mental health clinic again. I left a voicemail again on Wednesday, but I’m trying to not be annoying to the nurse at the same time. When I did talk to the nurse last Friday. I asked if I could be switched off of the…
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Frustrated
This week has been decent I guess. Some family was visiting and I got to hang out for a few hours with them, so that was nice. My symptoms haven’t been too bad but the whispers and voices have been getting more intense with the Haldol being gone from my system. I’ve noticed more static…
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Adjusting
I’ve been feeling off since being taken off the Haldol. I feel agitated, restless, there’s more static type noises and whispers this week. The one bonus is that I’m not drooling as much. So that’s one good thing. I got my Invega injection on Tuesday and have just been tired from all of it. It’s…
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Simulation and Situation
It has been a tough couple of weeks. I’m caught up in something I can’t control and it’s driving me up the wall. It’s triggering. And my hallucinations have been louder. The shadows are thick and the little balls dart across my field of vision, sometimes making me jump from surprise. The auditory hallucinations are…
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Stress
This week has been much, much better symptom wise for me. I’ve been able to flow smoothly today. Awaiting the ebb, but not holding my breath. My psychotic and depression symptoms have been few the past couple of days. On Tuesday I got my Invega injection, so these symptoms will fade again for a week…
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Under the Weather
I’ve had a terrible cold this week, so pardon me if this entry is not too terribly long or interesting. I honestly don’t have much to say I guess, I’ve been coughing and trying to rest, so we’ll see how far along I get with this. My voices have been acting up a touch with…
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Trusting Myself
I’ve been having symptoms kick up with my pain levels remaining quite high still. I also have an infection in a tooth of mine and am in need of a horribly helpful root canal. Boo. They’re just so uncomfortable. I noticed something was really wrong after I flossed the other day. P.S. I’m never flossing…
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Pain Levels and Depression Medication
My inflammatory osteoarthritis hasn’t been letting me sleep at all this week. Well, it’s been six days now of not being able to stay asleep through even half the night. It’s terrible really. I’m exhausted and can’t sleep because my body hurts badly from arthritis. It hurts every time I move around in, especially when…
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Being Too Much
The radio noises don’t bother me too much, especially the music I hear. It doesn’t frighten me like the voices do. The murmurs that come along with the radio noises are not fun, and it makes me feel overstimulated with the murmurs added onto the static noises or faint music (or both simultaneously) that I…
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Dreams or Thoughts
I keep having these recurring things in my dreams. I’m always carrying a backpack or bag that’s too way way way too heavy for me. Like, once it’s off my back it takes someone helping me to get it back on, but there’s no one there to help. The people in my dreams are not…
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Imposter
It’s been feeling like I don’t have much to write about the last few weeks. I’ve been posting still, but I’m back to once a week right now for the most part. I sometimes wonder if the pain that comes with mental illness actually helps me write. When my symptoms are controlled for the most…
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Stability
Stability is not always a given for me. I don’t think it’s a given for a lot of folks out there. I fluctuate back and forth between being lucid and not. And back and forth on my ability to be able to be stable. Being stable is a big change for me. And it looks…
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A Weekend to Remember
I had a wonderful weekend last week. It was full of a wedding and blissful food and amazing, loving people. It was terrific. I only really had one hour or so of symptoms, hearing the other people that are really voices around me talking about me and what I’m doing. Narrators. Accusatory type things. But…
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Suicidal Ideations
I know this will be hard for a lot of people to read, so consider this a trigger warning that suicidal ideations and thoughts are to heavily follow this sentance. I have been obsessing over this lump that I have on my neck. I’m sure it’s probably just a cyst or something like that, but…
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Fixations and Bruce Wayne
I have this strange lump on the right side of my neck. I’m hoping it’s just a cyst or something harmless. And I won’t know much about it till Wednesday, when I have a follow up after the ultrasound tomorrow. It’s making me entirely too anxious because it’s gotten bigger over the last few months.…
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Shame
I think one of the toughest things with mental illness for me is overcoming the shame of not being a “typical” person. Because I don’t like the word “normal” unless I’m dealing with the smell of food. Like does this broccoli smell bad? Meh, it smells normal. “Typical” opens that up a bit when talking…
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Behavior
I’m embarrassed about my behavior in the past. I know it’s not good to stare into the past, but I gotta learn my patterns somehow – and reflection is good for that. I was just thinking about all of the pictures I took of random cars and buildings while I thought I was being stalked.…
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Medical Trauma
I have been in and out of doctors offices since I was born. I was on medication for my hypothyroidism before leaving the hospital after birth. That led to countless blood draws over the years. When I was younger I had to get my blood drawn every three to six months to keep tabs on…
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Side Note 3
I’ve got two things. The first thing is a couple of additions to Nomadic Protection that didn’t come to mind till after it was published. I have moved over twenty two times since 2004. And I have moved cities every four years since 2006. The second is a more general update and not a full…
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It’s Tiring: Part Two
I was supposed to have an appointment with my prescriber (my psych NP) for my mental illness medications yesterday, but he called out and I got rescheduled. I did get my Invega injection at least. It was three days early this month. The nurse at the clinic I go to has been scheduling me three…
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Blurry Noises
I’ve been hearing crowd murmurs for the last few days again. They first surfaced when I was 19 years old. I remember the night that I first heard them. I thought It was paranormal, of course. This hallucination sounds like I’m suddenly placed in the middle of a crowd, but I can’t make out any…
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Debbie Downer
I didn’t go to the gym again yesterday. I didn’t want to. Didn’t feel like it. It’s been a rough week. I did go to my schizophrenia support group online Thursday night though. So that helped a little bit. I also had a haircut appointment that afternoon too. And I actually like what she did,…
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I Confronted the Neighbors
I went out and asked them if they had just been talking about me. Talking shit, technically. I just blurted it out when I looked up at the third floor balcony. They were both out there. “Were you guys just talking shit about me?” “No.” “No.” They layered over each other. “We just stepped outside.”…
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This Too Shall Pass
I noticed a lack of something latey. Music in my head. I used to have music playing constantly in my mind. Tones that I had heard before. Songs that I know. Layered over and through oneanother. Just, really, quite constant music. And it hit me this morning that I haven’t had that lately. Not in…
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Side Note 2
These symptoms – hallucinations, delusions, paranoia.. they make me feel out of control. Like I don’t have a grip on my life. Like I’m lesser than a typical person because I can’t follow through with plans half of the time due to symptoms. It made me ugly cry this morning. And want to use to…
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Stress Turns Into Symptoms
I know now that stress plays a huge part in my psychotic symptoms. I never realized how big of a role it carries. My symptoms are dying down again after a few days of being pretty heavy and thick. The paranoia is still there, but it’s leveling off. I realized today that I have been…
A Delusional Predisposition 