Sleep and Others

There were more auditory hallucinations over this last weekend.

They seemed to have drifted off throughout the week though.

They got quieter.

It was just a lot of mumbles and feeling like I’m in a crowd, or there’s a group of people just out of eyesight chatting.

I can’t tell the words at all for the most part.

But the tones and timbres and volume is there.

It’s disorientating.

I’m glad it’s quieter today.

It was starting to make me a bit paranoid.

I’ve been getting really dizzy lately too and my Dad said it’s probably from the medication change and I think he’s right.

Because the woozy and dizzy feelings are fading as the oral Paliperidone settles down in my body.

I didn’t think it’d be that big of a medication change, but apparently it was.

I was very dizzy for several weeks.

So much so that I told my primary care doctor and she gave me a medication for vertigo that works really, really well.

It’s basically prescription strength Dramamine, so I’m hanging onto it.

I didn’t even put two and two together that it could be from my medication change though.

Feels kinda like a no shit situation.

But it didn’t register till he said it over the weekend.

I still have these hiccups like this that I run into.

Where things just don’t process properly or whatever.

Oh well though, ya know?

The only thing I can do is notice it now and move on, try to learn from it when I can.

If I can.

It’s just frustrating is all.

But I am slowly getting used to the Invega changes from the other week.

I’ve been pretty sleepy from it throughout that whole time too.

I sleep like ten to twelve hours a night on top of taking some naps here and there.

And that’s my normal amount of sleep.

I sleep a lot.

I doubt that’s a good thing, but I’ve gone so many years on no sleep that I feel like I’m playing catch up now.

I’m supposed to make sure I’m not using sleep as an escape and I try really hard not to, but it’s so easy to.

And I think I do use it as one, but not as often as I once did.

And I don’t think it’s normal to sleep as much as I do.

But I don’t know how to break it.

I guess I could go to bed later and try to still wake up at a decent time.

But I have such a hard time waking up though, I use countless alarms that I snooze and just turn them off on myself.

I sleep like a log too, nothing wakes me up besides Bruce stepping on me, which he does occasionally.

I do think part of my sleep habits have to do with the fact that I’m on Trazodone.

But I sleep super deeply if I take it, or if I don’t.

It just adds to the sleepiness really.

But before taking it, I would be up till 1 or 2am with my mind reeling about whatever was bothering me that lifetime.

So it’s doing the job it should.

I just think sometimes it’s a bit too much for me, so I’ll break the Trazodone in half, only to have it not work as well.

It’s a brutal.

But I’d rather be a heavy sleeper than a light one, so I’m not complaining, rather stating.

Sleep is a huge factor for my mental well being, without it, I have more hallucinations and the delusions are easier to believe and buy into.

Not to mention the heightened anxiety and stress levels.

So if I need to sleep a lot, I let myself sleep a lot (within reason).

For the time being I’m not getting down on myself for sleeping a lot.

It’s something that is working for me right now and not causing an issue, so I’m rolling with it.

It’s not like I’m avoiding life with sleep right now, it’s more necessary for my well being.

So I’m okay with it.

But I do know that I sleep a lot, I do.

If I find myself ignoring everyone/thing and sleeping to pass the day, then there’s a problem again.

I do think that this medication/Invega change has a lot to do with the current sleepiness.

Which is understandable.

I have a coffee date with a gal I met off of the Bumble BFF app on Saturday so wish me luck that I don’t make an ass out of myself!

No, I’m sure it will be fun, I’m excited for it.

It’ll be nice to make a friend, we’ve already been texting.

I always feel like I have nothing to talk about, but I really do have a lot going on nowadays.

A lot for me, maybe not for someone else, but that doesn’t count because I report to myself, not others.

I’m glad my symptoms haven’t been off the rails with the switch up of Invega.

Well, the weekend and beginning of the week didn’t look promising, but it panned out just fine.

– Keren