Category: change
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Mascara
I put on mascara the other day. For the first time in months. I didn’t even go anywhere. I haven’t been looking that great lately. Physically. Not saying I look terrible. Just saying that I have been putting in zero effort towards my appearance. It takes a lot of energy to work on my mental…
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The Blockage
It’s been three weeks. Only. And already. Three weeks since I started the daily Risperidone tablets. And only about one week since starting it twice a day. My goodness! How quickly my mood. And ability to think. Changed. In that time frame. I’ve been able to piece things together. Slowly. And be reflective. Carefully. I…
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The Birds
Things have been really quiet this weekend again. Which is surprising. I get my injection on Tuesday. And I’m kinda thrilled for it. Normally by now the radio noise would’ve merged into voices. And they would’ve been incessant. But today I hear the birds. Which I have only been noticing the past couple of days.…
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Medication Adjustments
This is my 70th entry. This one right here. I never thought I’d continue to follow through with this blog. It’s rewarding. Therapeutic. Satisfying. And I’m getting quite proud of my continued growth. I was looking at some of my old posts. Because things have been much clearer lately. I can actually say confidently. That…
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2020
I’ve been pretty reflective the past couple days. I’m glad to be able to be today. It’s not always an option for me. I was thinking about my divorce. It was finalized three years ago last month. I was thinking about how my mental illnesses showed up outside of myself much more often after it.…
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A Sense of Myself
I have had a significant decrease in symptoms this week. Like, night and day difference. That Risperidone that was added a few weeks ago. Is amazing. In combination with the Invega. Flooring. I’m shook by how much better I feel. I didn’t know this could happen. This quietness. And fading darkness. I’m so glad my…
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When My Anger Shows
I get so frustrated with myself. I’m still mad at myself. About raising my voice at the dentist’s office the other day. I hate that I do that shit. It’s super unhealthy. I don’t know why I do it. I can think today. So I’m trying to reflect. Why the fuck do I get so…
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Randomly Consistent
I have a hard time remembering what I was just going to say. It’s like my brain just stops. Or backtracks. And I go completely blank. A lot of times it never comes back to me. But sometimes I can recall it. If someone is helping me. My therapist is used to this from me…
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Being Social
I haven’t posted back to back entries in a while. I wanted to tell y’all what I did. After sifting through myself. My attempt at adding logic to it. And debating what was the issue at hand. I got back on facebook yesterday. I need to be social. I’m craving it. Even if just through…
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Patterns of Good and Bad
Now that I don’t eat cheese. I see tons of commercials for it. Every style. Every type. Pizza commercials are the worst. It’s torture. I just get so uncomfortable. And it’s apparent directly after eating it. So much so that it’s not worth it. An hour of cheese leads to a solid week of bloating…
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The Bigger Picture
I feel like there are so many things I haven’t been able to comprehend. Especially over the span of my lifetime. I know I’ve said things like this in past entries too. And it’s tough to describe. But not many things “clicked” until recently. And recently, a lot of things have been making more sense…
A Delusional Predisposition 