A Delusional Predisposition

weekly writings of daily life with mental illness

TRIGGER WARNING:

This blog contains my personal journey, issues, and thoughts.

I have severe mental health issues and sensitive topics are discussed throughout.

There is adult language.

“The pain of severe depression is quite unimaginable to those who have not suffered it, and it kills in many instances because its anguish can no longer be borne. The prevention of many suicides will continue to be hindered until there is a general awareness of the nature of this pain.”

– William Styron, Darkness Visible, A Memoir of Madness

With writing all of these entries, I hope to provide some insight into my good, poor and other coping mechanisms and behaviors.

I want my words to provide a space, understanding, and insight of how mental illnesses effect everyday life.

I honestly feel obligated to express myself in writing. It’s relieving for me, and hopefully beneficial for others.

The amount of frustrations I feel from my mental health diagnoses sometimes overwhelms me.

I used to think I caused this.

All of this disconnect and chaos is my fault.

That I could have stopped my brain from being the way it is.

I am the problem.

I needed to find a more sustainable way to emote.

Otherwise I’ll remain by myself.

But, it’s beyond difficult to change the comfortable sometimes, even when it’s toxic.

So, I started writing and kept at it and this blog surfaced through everything.

I’m grateful that you ended up finding my journey.

“But what if I did tell people exactly what was going on? What if I valued my own peace of mind more than what other people think of me? Would I end up jobless, friendless, and loveless? Would I vanish entirely?”

Melissa Broder, So Sad Today: Personal Essays