I just noticed I’ve been avoiding taking my picture again lately.

I know I hate how heavy I am again.

I’ve gained what feels like a ton of weight back after losing 100lbs.

It’s not a ton, but I have gained some back.

Around 30lbs.

And that’s fuuuuuuuucking maddening.

The two biggest things I hate about myself are my sweating, and my weight.

My sweating has been bad again, even after getting off the Lexapro.

It’s annoying as fuck.

I’m hoping it’ll calm back down.

I called my general practitioner on Monday about something for my Hyperhidrosis.

Not like I want to add another prescription or anything, but I had that little bit of relief from my sweating and I’d like that to continue.

It was nice to sweat normally for a month.

And I really, really, really don’t want to go back to sweating buckets.

It’s so embarrassing.

I don’t get misty and cute when I sweat.

I sweat buckets.

I’ll have soaked hair.

Looking like I just got out of the shower, soaked.

it’s fucking embarrassing.

I sweat a lot when I’m anxious too.

So anytime I get anxious, I’lol have sweat dripping down my face, chest, shoulders and back.

It’s absolutley the reason why I only wear black tank tops.

Ever.

They don’t show the sweat really, and they help keep me cool.

Even though it doesn’t matter what temperature I’m feeling when I sweat.

Half the time I’m not even feeling hot at all, I’m just fucking sweating.

It’s for sure an anxiety tell with me.

It’s fucking terrible.

In school it was a nightmare.

I’ve been sweaty since I can remember too.

Since I was young, young.

i remember being on vacation in like the third grade, and my family and I went to Washington DC, and I was literally wringing the sweat out of my ponytail the whole time I was sweating so much.

I used to wear out and stain the front collar of my shirts, from wiping the sweat off my upper lip with it.

I’ve been dealing with hyperhidrosis for decades, and it’s more embarrassing than being fat.

But being fat has its downfalls too.

And I was really, really hoping to be slimmer by now, but it’s just not happening.

I know I don’t move as much as I used to.

Now that I don’t work.

All of my jobs were pretty physical.

Hence why I can’t work right now.

But I finally broke down and bought at walking pad, or, an “under the desk” treadmill.

Whatever you wanna call it.

I’m stoked for it to get here next week.

I walk a lot with Bruce throughout the day.

But then we stop every three seconds so he can smell all the smells.

So I don’t ever get my heart rate up and going.

And I need to.

I’m becoming terribly out of shape and it’s unacceptable.

But the only thing I can really do exercise-wise is walk, with my knees and back like they are.

Stupid fucking arthritis.

But I know that a treadmill is a good investment.

Especially for the super hot summer months.

Maybe I can train Bruce how to use it too, ha!

I’ve been wanting a treadmill for about a year now and just hadn’t found an affordable one yet.

I’m hoping the one I bought is a good one.

I was thinking I should just use the small gym at my complex office.

But I figure I haven’t used it yet, so what’s the point?

Might as well get something that I’ll use – something that I know I’ll use.

Getting back to the sweating I asked my doctor what we could do and he called in a prescription called Glycopyrrolate to help..

It’s 1mg and I take it twice a day and holy fuck is it helping!!

I’ve barely sweat a drop since being on it.

It’s really fucking exciting!

So I’m hoping that it keeps it at bay and I don’t have to worry about that part of me anymore.

That would be amazing.

This medicine is making me sweat even less than the Gabapentin did, before the Lexapro.

My sweating has been much, much more controlled.

Amazing that my sweating probably has a lot to do with my nerves firing wrong or too much.

Much like my brain.

Curious.

On a totally different note, I already started taking a low dose – 20mg, of Prozac again.

It’s been so fucking helpful for me and I don’t want to give up on it.

I’m hoping it’ll be okay with my psych NP.

He’s unpredictable, so we’ll see.

I’m hoping the blurry vision was just because I was at such a high dose.

I’m so scared of crashing I don’t dare to not be on an antidepressant right now.

I just got to a point where I’m feeling almost stable.

I don’t need to do something to purposely ruin that right now.

Coming down on the dose is good enough for me.

If my psych NP even lets me get back on it now.

I might have ruined it for myself, I won’t know until he’s back in the office in the next week or so.

But I’m very excited about this new medication for my Hyperhidrosis.

I’ve never felt so in control of my body.

-Keren