I got one of the sun shine mimicking lightbulbs.

Well, technically it’s a two pack.

And I put one in my lamp in the living room the other day and really like it so far.

I was hoping it’d be nice and bright, but not too bright, and it’s turning out very nice like.

I hope it makes me happier.

We’ll see.

Ha!

I’m struggling today.

It’s Friday.

I woke up feeling like total shit.

First all it took all of my energy to get out of my bed because my knees hurt so fucking bad that it made me cry.

Not cry, cry but they hurt so bad I had tears streaming down my face when I moved this morning.

It took me about three minutes to get into the bathroom that’s a few feet away.

I had to stand next to my bed, holding the wall, for about half of that time.

Just to get my bearings.

And it didn’t help that my head was pounding.

I took my Sumatriptan later and it didn’t do shit.

After I went to the bathroom this morning I was able to move a bit better…

But sitting down on and getting up from that toilet was painful as fuck.

I don’t care if that’s TMI.

But then I got myself into the kitchen slowly and gave Bruce his medicine.

Took him outside somehow and when I got back in I laid down on the couch.

Head pounding.

Dizzy as fuck.

Hot as fuck but freezing all at the same time.

I turned the air way down and slept most of the day.

Got up once to use the bathroom and laid right back down.

Took Bruce out again and he had the shits in the afternoon.

Fucking great.

Both of us are not feeling good.

As I kept sleeping and briefly waking up, my head just kept pounding.

It’s now about 7pm and I’m starting to feel a touch better.

I had my neighbor go grab me a 20oz Coke and some Juul pods at the store to get something in me today and something to soothe me a bit.

I know a Coke is not the best thing to drink, but it makes me feel better about life.

So do the Juul pods.

I can’t believe how much I hurt today.

I have a walker sitting in my living room, and I’m moving it to my bedroom today.

So when that happens again, I’ll be ready.

I should’ve moved it there ages ago.

I haven’t had my pain levels bring tears in a few months.

But I do have trouble getting up most of the mornings.

It’ll be nice to have a tool like my walker in the bedroom.

Even though I fucking hate admitting that I need to use it.

That part fucking sucks.

On a different note, I don’t really know how I’m doing with not having an antidepressant.

I haven’t crashed yet.

But I have a feeling it’s creeping in.

And maybe part of why I don’t feel good today is due to withdrawal from my medications.

But it’s hard to say.

I don’t have any sinus issues today.

I’m not plugged up or anything that comes along with a cold.

So I dunno.

(the next day) I’m much less dizzy today but still feeling super super achy.

And I just had a kind of epiphany.

I have been drinking these electrolyte salts (Buoy) for digestion, and have been using pretty high doses of it.

I just realized that this may be causing my swelling because of the salts.

So I’m purging myself of it now to make sure that I can rule it out.

I won’t use it for a while.

If it’s causing this I’ll feel kinda silly.

It’s suppose to be good for you but I am using high doses of it because it’s been working so well for my digestion.

It’s gonna suck if it’s causing my swelling.

Maybe I could just use less of it though.

But I’ll stop using it all together for a week or so to see if that’s the culprit.

We’ll see.

My blurry vision has mostly cleared up with coming off Prozac.

So that I’m grateful for.

It’s still there at times, but nowhere near where it was.

It had gotten really bad at the end.

Goddamnit I can’t believe how bad I hurt still today.

It’s taking up my fucking brain.

It’s all I can think about.

I can’t move without cringing.

Bruce got up on the couch and cuddled when we first woke up.

He could tell I’m really hurting again today.

I just picked up another week dose of steroids for my pain levels and swelling.

I’m hoping this on top of stopping the electrolyte salts I can get some relief.

I’m thinking that’s the kicker – the electrolytes. 

Dumb.

But, I’m so glad I still have the ability to put two and two together on a lower dose of Paliperidone.

That’s kinda exciting.

I have had much more energy too – until this cold virus thing happened.

I’ve been doing good, overall, on the medication decreases.

I’m just hoping I don’t crash.

– Keren