delusions
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Lactose Intolerance
For the first time since starting this blog, I haven’t felt like writing this week. I know I will. I mean, I did. Because this is posted right here. So I know I did write. But I seriously don’t feel… Continue reading
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Madness Leaking
I went from hearing deafening silence for two days to hearing voices again. It’s legit soul crushing shit. I know my symptoms will probably never go away fully. But the two days of silence was very eye opening. It was… Continue reading
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Silence and Other Senses
It’s quiet this morning. Like, really quiet. It’s Friday, at 10am. People are out walking and driving and everything. But I don’t hear anything but faint background car noises. It’s as if someone switched a channel in my eardrums. It’s… Continue reading
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Addiction
For many, many years I have been trying to cover my mental health symptoms with substances. Especially my psychosis. Alcohol, pills, anything that I could get my hands on. I was in rehab about 10 years ago, and I remember… Continue reading
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Daylio
Daylio is the name of my mood app. It’s an eye opening tool for me. I can track different moods that I have throughout the day. I can apply whatever “activity” or symptoms within those different moods. Everything is super… Continue reading
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Core Delusion
I’ve honestly felt like a shell of myself until the last few months. My mind has thrived in chaos, for so, so long now. But today, right now, I am sincerely doing good. And that’s so much more sincerely said… Continue reading
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Employment Issues
It may very well seem to someone on the outside that I am pretty “high functioning”, right? Because I’m writing again, and starting to be able to separate myself from my mind.. However, the phrase “high functioning” is very outdated.… Continue reading
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Relationship
Relationships are so, so difficult for me. I’m talking about all of them. Family, friends, significant others, etc… I’ve said before that I have a very hard time communicating. And that’s a big part of it. Another part is that… Continue reading
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Medications: Part Two
I was taken off of my Seroquel due to severe physical side effects and complications. At my psych appointment in August, I was to stop the rest of both my Geodon and Seroquel within about a three day period. Of… Continue reading
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Shifting Thought and Behavior
I try to not post twice in one week. But I made that rule up for myself. It’s mainly because I don’t want my writings to be pressured. I want to continue to publish thoughts on topics and not force… Continue reading
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Paranoia, Hallucination and Delusion
As long as I can remember it’s felt like someone is watching me. I have “heard” friends talking about me since I was fifteen. When I look at the few memories I have, it feels like there was always someone,… Continue reading
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Sensing Mania
I’ve been so tired the last couple of weeks – I know it’s from my medication changes. My doctors took me off of my Seroquel and Geodon and put me on Risperidone until I can get in next Wednesday for… Continue reading
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Changes
During the past month I’ve been noticing that I have very high blood pressure and quite a bit of chest pains. I didn’t even think about them being from my Seroquel until last Friday. I noticed that overall, I hadn’t… Continue reading
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Therapy
I have been in and out of talk therapy for quite some time. I was made to go when I was younger. Because, even at a young age, the darkness and doom engulfed my core being. I was originally sent… Continue reading
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Splitting
I can easily split into a completely different version of myself. Splitting turns me into a person that has an impossible time separating my behaviors from my personality. It’s like my emotions completely take over my mind and body and… Continue reading
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Medications: Part One
My Seroquel dose was upped again this week. I’m writing this entry through very heavy eyelids. A big downfall for me has always been how exhausted my psych meds can make me. I have taken Synthroid every day since birth,… Continue reading
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The Start
When I’m in a high stress situation, I shut down or switch over or snap or split. These actions are attempts at self preservation – and also surface from subconscious neurological misfirings. It’s fear of abandonment. It’s fear of rejection. … Continue reading
A Delusional Predisposition 