Well, I’ve been feeling better the past couple of days.

Getting out from under the couch blankets to finally walk Bruce around yesterday and today was nice.

My cough is still around but the wheezing has let up.

I feel like I can breathe on my own again without an inhaler.

That was a rough ride – about two weeks total of sickness.

I’m so grateful it’s letting up now.

To totally change the subject, my NP prescriber added some more Prozac.

He just upped the dose a touch.

I had asked him to, but he told me to call within four weeks to see if I would like an increase.

It’s not that the Prozac isn’t working, because it is, and really well.

But I felt like a touch more would give me more of an edge against my darkness and depression issues.

And help keep them at bay.

It may backfire and I may feel like I can’t emote anymore.

Which is what the Zoloft did to me.

I couldn’t cry.

I could feel sad, even devastated, but no crying.

I couldn’t feel anything but muted sadness.

It’s just like all of my emotions are mushed up and shoved deep, deep down in me.

The Zoloft wasn’t helping me process anything, that’s for sure.

And maybe the upping of the Prozac will be just what I need.

I can always go back down to the initial level.

Because now that I’ve been on the Prozac, I’ve been able to emote again.

And I’m grateful for it.

It’s really hard being a cryer and not being able to cry.

I felt like I had lost part of myself.

But I’ve been able to cry again and it’s so releasing for me – there’s nothing like a good cry when it’s needed.

And it’s not like I wasn’t feeling things on the Zoloft.

I felt bad or sad or frustrated or angry, it’s just my reaction to it was muted and numb.

I hadn’t really cried at all through most all of last year – and that’s how long I’ve been on the Zoloft, so that’s curious.

It’s painful not being able to emote.

If I’m sad, I need to cry and work through it.

Well, the Zoloft wasn’t being helpful with that or in the area where I was still feeling severely depressed and alone.

So I’m glad that’s fading on many levels.

And the way this Prozac makes me feel is a night and day difference from the Zoloft.

I feel more alert, I can emote, I have much less brain fog (so far), I can almost genuinely smile, I have a bit of energy now.

I don’t want to ruin any of the good things from happening by talking about it too much, but then again that’s the supernatural shit I’m trying to stay away from.

Thinking that talking or writing about something will actually affect anything’s outcome is not helpful for me.

It’s my go-to, but it can’t be anymore.

I’ll continue to work on that.

But I am grateful for the medication adjustment and hope it’ll be just what I need.

I’ve never had an antidepressant really work, I don’t think, now that I’m on Prozac.

Because this is a very different feeling I’m having.

I feel like I drank just the right amount of coffee without having any.

I still need my caffeine, don’t get me wrong!

It’s just that my alertness has been heightened in a really productive way.

Like, my eyes are open a little bit more, and I have a touch more clarity on it.

I’m stoked on the Prozac being upped a bit because it has been so beneficial so far.

And I’m feeling better – both from the cold and from the medication adjustment, so I can feel how well it’s working.

My comprehension is getting better, things aren’t as confusing with that brain fog around.

I’m hopeful that the clarity will continue to slowly gain ground in me.

I need it to.

In time, I have a feeling it will.

– Keren