I can’t express the exhaustion I’ve been dealing with the medication changes from this week and last.

It’s been much more debilitating than any other medication change before.

I’ve been down for the count since starting the Haldol.

And I mean that quite literally.

I haven’t been able to stay awake for very long before needing another nap.

I’ve slept the bulk of last week.

Every day I slept more than the day before.

It is a big adjustment.

The antipsychotic they put me on – Haldol, is at a hefty dose, and yesterday I had to add my evening dose to start taking it twice a day.

I can finally stay awake and focus long enough to write today and now I fear that I may have to start all over with the exhaustion aspect and the second daily dose.

I had to cancel everything I was doing last week and this week is looking similar.

I’m so so so so so fucking tired.

I napped like three times for two hour increments the day before yesterday.

That’s a lot of sleeping time and I still went to bed at 10pm and woke up dizzy and to an alarm at 9am.

Then I took Bruce out and laid back down on the couch to fall asleep for a few hours.

And today I’m still just laying on my couch, half asleep.

Waiting for bedtime.

I feel like my brain has been put in a blender.

Like part of my ability to think is fucked right now.

I’m feeling heavy and like I’m further away from having it together again.

I’m feeling disconnected and symptomatic.

I knew things would get a little worse before they got better.

And my symptoms started surfacing a couple days ago, and were fairly loud last night and the night before.

Yet now they seem to be fading again.

Which is promising.

I knew there would be a slight increase for a few days.

So I am looking forward to continuing to plow through in hopes that the long run goal of having minimal symptoms will happen.

When I woke up this morning I wasn’t terribly dizzy like I was all of last week.

I was hoping adding the evening dose of Haldol wouldn’t be as bad as the start of it.

And I think it’s starting to even out again.

The dizziness was scary really.

It was a lot, and I felt like I didn’t trust myself driving the bulk of last week.

I would fall asleep in the middle of doing something.

And I didn’t want that to happen while driving.

I just kept pumping water into myself and wishing it would all stop.

And it is slowing down, which is a relief.

I’m actually kind of shocked at how little of a change adding the second dose caused overnight.

I am still absolutely, extremely tired.

But not fall asleep while doing something tired anymore.

Which is a welcomed relief.

At least I can focus enough to write again.

This medication change has really been the most difficult one I’ve ever had.

I’m grateful for things to be winding down today.

– Keren