diagnoses
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The Water Park Bridge
Before my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder, I had bipolar 1. It was always “severe”. And the mental health care folks that I was working with, knew something else was going on. They just weren’t sure of what. A few years… Continue reading
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Stupid Arthritis
I’ve been in a foul mood all week. I don’t talk much about my physical issues on here. But I decided it’s time to do so. My physical pain makes my mind bounce off the walls. It helps my darkness… Continue reading
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My Voices and Forest
In the recent past, my delusions grew and got loud enough to impact every aspect of my life. I have a tendency to become obsessed with certain topics – mainly people and conversations between us, actually. Especially a specific line… Continue reading
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Transition of Thought
My psychosis episodes warp everything. They pop up out of nowhere and run my entire life until they wear out. Then it can get quiet for a few days. Then it ramps right back up into me. I have been… Continue reading
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Finding Parts of Myself
Everyday something new happens. Or at least, I notice something new about myself. Like how dairy and I haven’t coexisted well for quite a few months now. Like how my mind overrides me. Like how I have white hairs on… Continue reading
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Silence and Other Senses
It’s quiet this morning. Like, really quiet. It’s Friday, at 10am. People are out walking and driving and everything. But I don’t hear anything but faint background car noises. It’s as if someone switched a channel in my eardrums. It’s… Continue reading
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Addiction
For many, many years I have been trying to cover my mental health symptoms with substances. Especially my psychosis. Alcohol, pills, anything that I could get my hands on. I was in rehab about 10 years ago, and I remember… Continue reading
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Daylio
Daylio is the name of my mood app. It’s an eye opening tool for me. I can track different moods that I have throughout the day. I can apply whatever “activity” or symptoms within those different moods. Everything is super… Continue reading
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Core Delusion
I’ve honestly felt like a shell of myself until the last few months. My mind has thrived in chaos, for so, so long now. But today, right now, I am sincerely doing good. And that’s so much more sincerely said… Continue reading
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Employment Issues
It may very well seem to someone on the outside that I am pretty “high functioning”, right? Because I’m writing again, and starting to be able to separate myself from my mind.. However, the phrase “high functioning” is very outdated.… Continue reading
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Relationship
Relationships are so, so difficult for me. I’m talking about all of them. Family, friends, significant others, etc… I’ve said before that I have a very hard time communicating. And that’s a big part of it. Another part is that… Continue reading
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Medications: Part Two
I was taken off of my Seroquel due to severe physical side effects and complications. At my psych appointment in August, I was to stop the rest of both my Geodon and Seroquel within about a three day period. Of… Continue reading
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Side Note
I wanted to say something real quick. I am well aware that my entries tend to focus on a lot of negative things. It may seem to someone unfamiliar to mental illness that I am only focusing on the negative.… Continue reading
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Self Loathing
I’ve been officially clinically depressed since high school. My very first diagnosis was major depressive disorder. A couple years later, the bipolar 1 came along, with its friends surfacing throughout the following years. My darkness just is. That’s the way… Continue reading
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Shifting Thought and Behavior
I try to not post twice in one week. But I made that rule up for myself. It’s mainly because I don’t want my writings to be pressured. I want to continue to publish thoughts on topics and not force… Continue reading
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Paranoia, Hallucination and Delusion
As long as I can remember it’s felt like someone is watching me. I have “heard” friends talking about me since I was fifteen. When I look at the few memories I have, it feels like there was always someone,… Continue reading
A Delusional Predisposition 