Tag: delusion
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The Wash and Fade
I’ve been feeling very, very blah this week. My Invega injection makes me so tired now that I don’t know what to do. I was resting most of this week because i couldn’t do anything else. And that feeling gets old. Throughout it all I’ve still been having breakthrough symptoms. The hallucinations posing as my…
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Bouncing Between Delusions (and Hallucinations)
I got my Invega injection today. And I honestly couldn’t wait for it. I’ve been having some breakthrough symptoms this last weekend. And last week. It felt like all the peace I had with the six or so day run of very few symptoms, disappeared. Quickly at that. It gets exhausting, bouncing back and forth…
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“Anosognosia” and Delusions
I’m forty years old. And I didn’t understand that the voices I hear are actually hallucinations, until I was thirty eight. I thought they were my thoughts. My internal system. The paranormal. The voices are a nonstop discourse of layered timbres and volumes. They loop over one another. Commenting on my every thought. My every…
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Invalidation: A Rant
When someone is dismissive of my mental illness issues and symptoms, it’s invalidating. It makes me feel as if I’m the one in the wrong. I’m making all this up. That it is just an invisible hurdle. That only I can see. And that’s not good enough for all of my “laziness”. Or inability to…
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Eye Shimmy (Voluntary Nystagmus) and Other Signs
I know my world is much different from what typical people have. Especially when a psychotic episode is around the corner. I’m finally noticing little signs. Signs that I need to keep an eye on. My hallucinations flare up. Every time I get even slightly stressed out. I’m learning that I have a very low…
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The Luxury
I noticed that I’m starting to be aware of the weather again. It’s been sunny. Then rainy. Then sunny. Then rainy. All week. I’ve been noticing the shifts in temperature. And the bright shades of green pouring out of the plants and trees. For the past few years. I haven’t paid a bit of attention.…
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Explaining
I’m realizing that I have a very difficult time explaining what I’m going through. Verbally, that is. I’ve always faltered with my verbal communication. I’ll admit that I’m horrible at it. It’s been one of those repetitive issues in my life. And I never even realized how much the voices alter my ability to comprehend…
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Audio Hallucinations
I have been thinking about documenting the voices like this for a while now. I did it a few times (that I can find) in my journal from this time last year. Reading my writings from a full psychosis episode is hard. They’re all over the place and really triggering. This post may be triggering…
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Friends: Part Two
I used to get so frustrated with some of my friends. I mean, almost enraged at times. And I was never afraid to show it. With actions or words. Or tone of voice. I never said I wasn’t toxic before antipsychotics. There would be certain people. Usually friends of friends. Acquaintances. That would irk me…
A Delusional Predisposition 