A Delusional Predisposition

medication

  • Scary Relief

    The voices are still here, in case you were wondering. I have been trying to focus on other things while they’re not as loud, but some days are better than others. And the last couple of days I’ve had some… Continue reading

    Scary Relief

  • Drooling

    It’s really strange to say this, but I’ve been drooling lately. Come to google this here. While I’m thankful for the validation, I’m frustrated that it’s not written about more. There’s not much on it. Some wordy studies here and… Continue reading

    Drooling

  • Medical Trauma

    I have been in and out of doctors offices since I was born. I was on medication for my hypothyroidism before leaving the hospital after birth. That led to countless blood draws over the years. When I was younger I… Continue reading

    Medical Trauma

  • My Capacity

    I haven’t been writing that much the past few weeks. Dealing with this medication change and adjustment has been pretty brutal. Very brutal. I’m starting to come out the other side slowly, but I feel like it’s taking an eternity.… Continue reading

    My Capacity

  • Haldol

    I can’t express the exhaustion I’ve been dealing with the medication changes from this week and last. It’s been much more debilitating than any other medication change before. I’ve been down for the count since starting the Haldol. And I… Continue reading

    Haldol

  • Side Note 3

    I’ve got two things. The first thing is a couple of additions to Nomadic Protection that didn’t come to mind till after it was published. I have moved over twenty two times since 2004. And I have moved cities every… Continue reading

    Side Note 3

  • Medications: Part Seven

    I had to wait the weekend to hear back from my psych NP about a medication change. I had an appointment last Tuesday, but the provider canceled it last minute and I was rescheduled for over a month out. It’s… Continue reading

    Medications: Part Seven

  • It’s Tiring

    So I apologized to my neighbor today about my explosion yesterday and she acted like she had no idea what I was talking about. Maybe I made it all up. Or she was drunk like she gets. But she literally… Continue reading

    It’s Tiring

  • Stress Turns Into Symptoms

    I know now that stress plays a huge part in my psychotic symptoms. I never realized how big of a role it carries. My symptoms are dying down again after a few days of being pretty heavy and thick. The… Continue reading

    Stress Turns Into Symptoms

  • Random Surfacing

    The voices never really go away. I’ve been having a good week, but they’re still there. As frustrating as that is. They get worse at night. Once it hits the time where the sun starts to go down, it’s like… Continue reading

    Random Surfacing

  • Visual Hallucinations

    I’m having a hard time letting myself just be today. I’m tired. Which probably doesn’t help. I feel like I should be doing more of something. But I don’t know what. And I don’t have the energy right now, anyway.… Continue reading

    Visual Hallucinations

  • Medications: Part Six

    I was just sitting here thinking and realized that my having a better mood is directly coinciding with the rate at which my immunosuppressants for my arthritis have been working. It’s been about eight weeks of the weekly methotrexate and… Continue reading

    Medications: Part Six

  • The Wash and Fade

    I’ve been feeling very, very blah this week. My Invega injection makes me so tired now that I don’t know what to do. I was resting most of this week because i couldn’t do anything else. And that feeling gets… Continue reading

    The Wash and Fade

  • Bouncing Between Delusions (and Hallucinations)

    I got my Invega injection today. And I honestly couldn’t wait for it. I’ve been having some breakthrough symptoms this last weekend. And last week. It felt like all the peace I had with the six or so day run… Continue reading

    Bouncing Between Delusions (and Hallucinations)

  • Thoughts vs Auditory Hallucinations

    I know it may be a bit hard to imagine what auditory hallucinations sound like. Believe me, I wish that no one would ever experience them. Ever. I wish it wasn’t even an option. But unfortunately it is. And I’d… Continue reading

    Thoughts vs Auditory Hallucinations

  • Navigating My Mental Healthcare: Part Two

    I can’t even tell you how many therapists and psychiatrists I’ve seen over the years. Dozens. Easily. I currently deal with a doctor that doesn’t really believe me. He gives me the right medications. But when we talk he is… Continue reading

    Navigating My Mental Healthcare: Part Two

  • A Situation

    This week was awesome. I had a dear friend visit for most of it. I got to see the beauty. And the power of the ocean. And friendship. It was a great week. I did have symptoms during it. At… Continue reading

    A Situation

  • The Luxury

    I noticed that I’m starting to be aware of the weather again. It’s been sunny. Then rainy. Then sunny. Then rainy. All week. I’ve been noticing the shifts in temperature. And the bright shades of green pouring out of the… Continue reading

    The Luxury

  • Inflammation

    It’s always there. Inflammation is. I feel puffy. Everywhere. And do almost all the time. It’s gotten better since I cut out dairy products. But good lort. It can calm down anytime now. But I know it won’t without medication.… Continue reading

    Inflammation

  • The Blockage

    It’s been three weeks. Only. And already. Three weeks since I started the daily Risperidone tablets. And only about one week since starting it twice a day. My goodness! How quickly my mood. And ability to think. Changed. In that… Continue reading

    The Blockage

  • The Birds

    Things have been really quiet this weekend again. Which is surprising. I get my injection on Tuesday. And I’m kinda thrilled for it. Normally by now the radio noise would’ve merged into voices. And they would’ve been incessant. But today… Continue reading

    The Birds

  • Medication Adjustments

    This is my 70th entry. This one right here. I never thought I’d continue to follow through with this blog. It’s rewarding. Therapeutic. Satisfying. And I’m getting quite proud of my continued growth. I was looking at some of my… Continue reading

    Medication Adjustments

  • 2020

    I’ve been pretty reflective the past couple days. I’m glad to be able to be today. It’s not always an option for me. I was thinking about my divorce. It was finalized three years ago last month. I was thinking… Continue reading

    2020

  • A Sense of Myself

    I have had a significant decrease in symptoms this week. Like, night and day difference. That Risperidone that was added a few weeks ago. Is amazing. In combination with the Invega. Flooring. I’m shook by how much better I feel.… Continue reading

    A Sense of Myself