I’m so annoyed with my psych clinic.

I’ve been waiting over a week to be switched from the brand name Invega injections, to generic, oral, Paliperidone.

They’re the same thing, but one is a shot, and the other is a tablet.

And the nurse there just told me on Tuesday that he (the psych NP, Alex) wants to see me before he changes it.

Which is annoying as fuck.

Mind you, the nurse hadn’t called me back yet even. 

I went into the clinic to pick up some of my prescriptions and asked to talk to the nurse.

So she wasn’t even planning on calling me back until I turned into a squeaky gear and asked about it.

This is why I bug these fucking people because they don’t do what I need and ask them to do.

So I become annoying to them.

And I don’t fucking care.

The psych NP wanted to switch me to Risperidone which is a totally different medication, and he was willing to do that without seeing me.

But now I want the same medication, he won’t do it till I see him.

Stupid.

I am completely frustrated.

So since I was there (no one ever answers the phone there), I asked the front desk gal if Alex had any openings sooner rather than later.

And she got me in on the 5th – which is this upcoming Tuesday, the day I am supposed to get my next injection.

So I guess that works.

It’s just annoying because the nurse hadn’t called me back.

I could’ve gotten in this week if she would’ve told me earlier when she found out he wasn’t switching it without an appointment.

Like, fuck, c’mon, do your fucking joband call people back.

And now I’m worried that he’s not even going to change it because of this, and I’ll have to deal with the fucking pain for weeks and months of the injections.

I’m just so annoyed at everything now.

That shit ruined my decent mood in seconds.

It’s now two days later and I’m calmed down from all the shenanigans but still annoyed with it all.

I had to take a half of a Haldol before I could calm down from all of that.

I hadn’t been that rage filled since before the start of the antipsychotics.

It kinda scared me I was so mad.

I just don’t like it when people don’t do their job and then them not doing their job directly affects me.

It’s maddening knowing I’ve done all that I can and all that I was told to do and I still don’t get a fucking response.

I decided that I want to stick with the Invega/Paliperidone medication and not be switched up to another antipsychotic too.

I’m going to stand my ground and advocate for myself.

The nurse told me she’s behind me, for whatever that’s worth.

It doesn’t help my mood that I’m trying to get used to this new therapist, Sean, too.

He’s super nice and I’m sure after introductory stuff we’ll mesh just fine.

I’m just stressed out with everything, new therapist, disability hearing stuff, maintaining healthy eating habits, all of it.

Sometimes it feels like the only saving grace I have is this blog.

A place where I can vent and process through all of the shit.

I’m grateful for it.

I don’t know where I’d be without it honestly.

Life just gets so frustrating and my mental illness makes life that much harder and it’s awful sometimes.

It’s just so draining to have to advocate for myself 24/7 with every single doctor ever.

Well, that’s an exaggeration, it’s not 24/7 but it fucking feels like it some times.

Now it’s Friday and my 41st birthday is tomorrow and I’m just trying to be okay with myself and the shituation that is that clinic.

It’s getting easier as it gets closer to Tuesday.

– Keren