I have been pretty stable with medications lately.

I just got my Invega Sustenna injection again this last Tuesday.

They had switched up my appointment without telling me but luckily the nurse was available to give it to me really quick.

I’ve been getting the shot in my hip the past couple of months and it’s really helping my arms feel better.

I think the big injections sit in my biceps, where the injections are put, and I don’t move around those muscles a lot, which has created a constant sore spot on my arm.

It still feels like I just got an injection on my right arm, even though it’s been a solid three months now without one.

I guess I’ll have to continue to baby that arm right now.

But the injections are going good still.

I enjoy the consistency of it.

I like going to my monthly appointments.

It makes me feel involved – in some sort of control over things.

The repetition and scheduling and everything makes it comforting somehow.

Everything about it, from the drive to the clinic, to the drive home, is part of this sacred routine with me now for my antipsychotic injection.

The Haldol is going great too.

I almost forgot a dose the other night, but just as I was about to fall asleep I remembered it, got up and took it, and the other nighttime meds I have.

I honestly haven’t been that close to forgetting a dose in like over a year.

Longer than that even.

It’s amazing really, how steadily I’ve been taking my meds now.

Once I found medications that worked, it has been game on and I’ve had zero issues with medication adherence.

It’s something I never could’ve imagined – being stable and on meds that work.

I never thought it would happen for me.

But it did, and I’m ever so grateful for that.

The Haldol takes away most of the breakthrough symptoms.

They’re still there – the voices are, but they’re much more obvious to be voices now – most of the time.

There are still times where it feels like it’s not working full strength or something but that’s usually just a bad day.

And the good or decent days have been beating out the bad lately, which is amazing.

The Zoloft is going. 

I’m not sure how much it’s actually helping me.

But I wouldn’t want to come off of it and not replace it.

I’ve still been having depression symptoms.

I think that’s half of my issues with being tired all the time – depression, and then my thyroid levels still being off.

And the Haldol, I mean, let’s be real, that shit is sedating.

I just don’t know where my depression stops, really.

It’s such a big part of me that I don’t have clear signs as to what it feels like to not have it.

I can still feel it in my throat today.

It doesn’t feel like it is trying to grip me, like it does most times.

But it’s there.

It’s just this droning on and on feeling in my gut that seems to be stagnant in me.

It doesn’t go far, and rears its head when it wants to.

I have zero control over it and it seems to be lessened than what it has been in the past.

Which is a bonus and makes me feel like my depression is at least partially under control.

Even though it doesn’t always feel like it.

Maybe the Zoloft does more than I think.

I’ve never really been on an antidepressant that really works.

Zoloft is the closest I’ve had that I can notice a difference on it.

I haven’t tried that many antidepressants though.

Maybe that will be my next medication adventure – finding an antidepressant that actually works.

I see my psych NP on Tuesday this week, so we’ll see what he says about a possible switch.

I just hate to change anything while I feel alright.

But I only feel alright. 

Very “meh” lately actually, at least that is what I use in my mood app.

And I’ve noticed this ongoing feeling throughout the year plus I’ve been using this mood tracking app.

It’s very eye opening.

I go through these depression cycles throughout the months.

Three to five weeks down to one week or so of a more elevated mood just to plummet back down.

It looks similar to rapid cycling with Bipolar Disorder.

I do have the diagnosis of Schizoaffective Bipolar type, so it makes sense and fits.

Maybe I’ll give myself a few more months before switching anything up.

I don’t really know how I feel right now and I’m still grieving over the loss of a couple of people, and I want to give the Zoloft a fighting chance.

– Keren