I have been in and out of doctors offices since I was born.

I was on medication for my hypothyroidism before leaving the hospital after birth.

That led to countless blood draws over the years.

When I was younger I had to get my blood drawn every three to six months to keep tabs on my levels.

When I was 18 years old, my thyroid blood work had to be done every six months to a year depending on its fluctuations.

We were not a wealthy family so a lot of times the blood draws would happen at educational facilities, where folks were learning how to draw blood.

My Mom told me around age five or six I lost it on one of the nurses.

I started kicking and screaming – literally.

In my defense they would have to poke me five or six times in each arm sometimes because they were still learning.

It was usually probably like three times in each arm before getting any blood.

That’s a lot for an adult, let alone a child.

I have only just recently been able to sit in the chairs where the arm goes up and down at the lab.

I refused to for years and years.

Anywhere but those fucking chairs.

I used to make the nurses I’d deal with – after I got older, to use the smallest needle they have, called a butterfly needle.

When I was growing up with the educational facility they would use giant needles and just not be able to find my veins because I was a fucking child.

Once I got older I realized all I had to do was ask for the smaller needle and most folks don’t mind using it.

I had to have surgery on my left eye when I was around 18 months old.

I was born with an almost film-like substance over my left iris that had to be removed.

My pupil on that eye is constantly dilated, it doesn’t change.

I had a doctor once ask me if I was on mushrooms while at a visit in my teen years and he kept shining the little flashlight in my left eye (which hurts because it’s permanently dilated) and accusing me of being on drugs.

My Mom and I both complained to the office and he didn’t keep his job.

Around the ages of three to about five or so I had to wear an eye patch over my right eye so I could give my legally blind left eye a workout and try to normalize that eye as much as possible.

If I wouldn’t have done that I would have been completely blind in my left eye.

Now I can at least see colors and vague shapes with that eye.

Even though I wear glasses, they don’t help my left eye see, but they do protect my right eye from debris and whatnot.

I have someone stop me about once a month about my one dilated eye because it’s a sign of a stroke.

It’s nice of them, and they’re usually nurses, but it gets old after 40 years of explaining why my eye is dilated all the time.

When I was around three years old I had to have a heart catherization for my pulmonary valve stenosis that I was born with.

Basically, it creates a murmur, which I have.

I used to have to get a heart echo (imaging) every year until I was 18 years old.

Since it’s still mild, and since the age of 18, I only have to go to the cardiologist about once every four years or if I’m feeling like something’s going on.

I recently felt like my heart was sorta fluttering more than it normally does and had to wear a two week long heart monitor.

Everything came back the same, mild stenosis.

Thank fuck.

When I was 24 years old I tore my MCL (on the inside of the knee) in my left knee when I fell on ice chasing my dog down the street.

It wasn’t a big enough tear for surgery, but I was in a leg immobilizer brace from mid thigh to mid calf that I had to wear for months and months while recouping and going through physical therapy.

When the MRI and X-ray imaging for my MCL tear was done, they found out about my osteoarthritis and degenerating knee cartilage and joint space.

Since then I’ve been in and out of orthopedic offices and countless MRI’s and X-rays for my knees, ankles, left shoulder and lower back as my arthritis has progressed.

I have been told by many doctors that I need new knees but they won’t touch me because of my age.

I cannot tell you how many fucking times I’ve heard “you’re too young for arthritis this bad”.

Like, no shit.

It’s a lot of being in pain and just fucking dealing with it.

This is just the tip of the iceberg.

After the age of 20 or so I started seeing countless therapists and psychiatrists along with the other countless doctors appointments.

I’ve had to see a rheumatologist for my arthritis for years now because the medication that I take to suppress my immune system really helps keep my inflammation in check, even though I test negative for the rheumatoid marker in blood work.

There are years more of medical trauma since then.

And I can’t even tell you how many doctors have told me I’m overweight.

Even as a child.

At ten years old I was already five foot nine and weighed around 180 pounds.

I don’t think that’s obese enough to tell a ten year old that they’re fat, to their face, several times.

But that’s just me.

No wonder why I get flustered with my health care.

– Keren