I was just sitting here thinking and realized that my having a better mood is directly coinciding with the rate at which my immunosuppressants for my arthritis have been working.

It’s been about eight weeks of the weekly methotrexate and twice daily hydroxychloroquine.

And the last two weeks or so I’ve been feeling good.

Honestly, I haven’t physically felt this good in a very long time.

My fatigue isn’t as heavy.

The swelling in my knees, ankles and shoulders is down.

My rheumatologist gave both knees cortisone injections the other week when I saw her, so they feel decent right now.

It had been four months since my last ones, so the timing was perfect at my most recent appointment.

She also told me, like every doctor I see, that my osteoarthritis is “extremely progressed” for my age.

I’ve been told that for a little over a decade now.

It’s not new news, but it’s frustrating all the same.

I need new knees, but that’s a whole different entry.

I am grateful for how well the medication they gave me is working.

It’s working shockingly well, really.

I don’t know why I thought these meds didn’t do anything when I’ve taken them in the past.

Oh, fuck, wait.

Yes I do.

I know why.

I never took my meds at the same time.

Any of them.

Let alone every day.

I would miss days on end because I’d forget. 

Then I’d remember to take them and do really good with it for like five days and then totally forget for however many more days.

And that cycle would just repeat itself.

It wasn’t until the hospital last year that I was able, ready and willing to start taking my meds at the same time every day.

And what a fucking difference.

I should’ve been doing this the whole time.

Granted, I didn’t know.

I didn’t get it.

I wasn’t able to get it.

The medicine never really worked the way it should when I would take it.

And looking back now, I could kick myself for not giving the meds a fighting chance.

But maybe if my doctors would have introduced antipsychotics (specifically) a little sooner, I would’ve learned they help and would’ve taken them more often.

Instead I was on mood stabilizers for my perceived mania that did little for stopping my psychotic symptoms.

I don’t blame anyone for that.

It’s just frustrating to think about.

But I can’t believe how much less inflammation I’ve got with being on the immunosuppressants.

I’m so, so, glad that I got into a rheumatologist at the end of March.

I feel like my inflammation gets into my brain.

And makes it harder to think and easier to be depressed.

That could be totally wrong.

But it fuckin feels like it does.

I just feel like since my inflammation levels have been lower, I’ve been feeling better all over.

I swear the swelling on my left knee has gone down a full inch on my medial, or inner, side.

It’s amazing.

My pants aren’t as tight in that area.

And it didn’t click till today that the new meds could have (and probably do) something to do with the way I’m feeling.

I feel like I’m so lucky to find meds that actually work for me.

And at some point they may stop working so well and I’ll have to switch everything again.

But I feel like I tried so many different combinations over the years, it was just a matter of time until I found the right ones.

And I’m glad I did.

They’ve still got me on the same mental health medications.

I actually get my Invega injection on Tuesday next week.

But it’s sorta mind blowing to see this gradual change in myself with the immunosuppressants being added.

I haven’t been on them for years now.

I couldn’t be because I did not have the ability to think outside of my mind and on my body.

The effects that my body has on my mind couldn’t register.

I wasn’t there yet.

And I’m grateful to be at that point today.

I never thought the mixture of medications would ever actually help me.

I’m slowly being proven wrong.

– Keren