external auditory hallucinations
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Chronic Pain, A Divorceiversary, and the Other End of an Episode
My left eye won’t stop twitching. It’s been about four days of off and on twitching. My heart is beating out of my chest – through the twice daily 120mg’s of extended release Propranolol. I’m trying to breathe, but my… Continue reading
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The Pains of Chronic Illness, and, of Course, Even More Doctor Appointments
How did I sleep and injure myself? How did I hurt myself, while I was sleeping? That is seriously ridiculous. My left hip is fucking killing me. It’s radiating into my lower leg, and into my lower back. It sucks.… Continue reading
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More Appointments, More Anxieties and Even More Medication Acceptance
This was absolutely wild… My parents told me this last weekend that apparently I played an entire season of basketball in the 6th grade. I have zero recollection of this. I mean, not one single memory. Now, I know I… Continue reading
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Dealing with Anxieties and Friendship, and Accepting my Medications as Tools
It’s Monday today. And I don’t know why I can’t be happy for more than two days in a row. Three if I’m lucky. I started to get anxious again yesterday, Sunday. Had a huge panic attack. I had to… Continue reading
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From the Doctors to the Banks and to the Dealerships
So, it’s Monday. It’s been a day. Up and down. It started alright, made a couple of phone calls – made an appointment with my pain management doctor for a follow up after my nano PRP injections at the end… Continue reading
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Mental and Physical Symptoms are Taking Over
I’ve been hearing shit this weekend still. Just like last week, most all of the “neighbors” are back. Fml. The “third floor neighbor” voices are here again. I saw a random guy – probably the new third floor neighbor’s son,… Continue reading
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Stress and Hallucinations
My anxiety has been out of control ever since the airbags randomly deployed in the Pilot at the end of March. I’m talking pretty much daily panic attacks. I’ve been using my TouchPoints constantly. I’ve been taking my Clonazepam and… Continue reading
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My Anxiety Caused Motion Sickness and Other Shituations…
I’m running on fumes. Emotionally, physically, financially. The whole picture is thin right now. The good thing is that I cleaned out the Pilot (on Friday afternoon last week). Got it ready for today – for getting rid of it… Continue reading
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Medications: Part Fourteen
I had a really good weekend. I’m feeling less anxious from the Honda’s airbags randomly deploying as the days pass. I’m noticing I’m still on edge a bit. I’m still needing my PRN anxiety medication, Clonazepam, 0.5 mg, a little… Continue reading
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What I’ve Learned Advocating for Myself in Healthcare (and more!)
As down on myself as I get for not being social, I have been more social the past few months. I just haven’t really made any more friends. Which is fine right now. I’m not gonna get down on myself… Continue reading
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My Automatic Self Loathing Has Been Quelled
With that rheumatologist appointment last week… I was unpacking it in therapy on Wednesday this week. My therapist said how mindblowing it was. She said it was a horrible thing that happened, but at the same time, she was really… Continue reading
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My Changes and a Disclaimer
I haven’t been having many symptoms lately. It’s scary honestly. I don’t know when they’ll surface again. It’s like I’m on a rollercoaster, right at the top of a big hill, after you’ve gotten past all the clicks, and you… Continue reading
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Supplements, Diet, and my Mental Health
The Niacin (Vitamin B3) and Vitamin C are working really well to help curb my hallucinations and delusions. So well that I cut my Haloperidol completely out last Friday. The withdrawal of that was fucking terrible. Even though I had… Continue reading
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An Endocrinologist Appointment
I had an endocrinologist appointment yesterday. It went well. The doctor was super nice and comforting. So I’m supposed to be taking my Synthroid at like 5am, hours before I eat anything or take any other medications. And a lot… Continue reading
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Weight and Hallucinations
I was down last week. That’s why I didn’t really write an entry. That and I was busy. There’s someone in my life who keeps bringing up my weight. And I don’t think they mean to hurt me, but they’re… Continue reading
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Neutrality
So, I have a really, really tough time trying to “love” myself. This isn’t a new thing either. It’s not like I woke up this morning and realized this. I’ve hated myself for so many decades that the thought of… Continue reading
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EMDR Work and a Nutritionist Appointment
I’ve been doing EMDR therapy with my one on one therapist for a while now. She’s been having me write down my triggers throughout the weeks. And I’ve noticed that as we go on, I’m getting triggered less and less.… Continue reading
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Voices and Even More Appointments
I had a couple following me the other day. I smelled a thick fog of weed smoke as I was walking Bruce, at the front of the apartment complex. As I smelled it, and Bruce smelled the ground, the couple… Continue reading
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C•PTSD and Trauma (Medical and Authoritative)
I’m 99.9% sure of my PTSD is actually C•PTSD. I’ve never really given it much thought until this last weekend. I mean, I have, but I haven’t put that much thought into it. I guess I never really looked up… Continue reading
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Being Social With Schizoaffective Disorder
I don’t know why I can’t just go out and about and be happy that someone wants to spend time with me. Oh wait, I do know why, it’s the voices. They’re always fucking shit up. Everytime I’m away from… Continue reading
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I Don’t Think I’m Bipolar, And I’m Mindblown
Again, I’m going to talk about my last psychotic episode. The one I had that ended last week, er, the week before, now. It lasted longer than I thought. Well, it started further back than I originally thought. I went… Continue reading
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This Last Episode
Welp, I renewed my domain name and subscription and whatnot with WordPress today. I’ve been writing at least once a week for this blog since 2022. Part of me says why stop now? Keep bitching and moaning. So here I… Continue reading
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The Difference Between Paranoia and Anxiety
The past couple of weeks have been difficult. And last weekend was really hard. But I’ve been hanging out at my therapist’s office a lot. There’s an art room there that’s just open most of the day for people to… Continue reading
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My Various History of Hallucinations and Delusions
This is a long entry, I hope you find it as interesting as I do. I’ve been listening to the subject matter more of the background hallucinations I hear. I realized some of these are called “internal auditory hallucinations” –… Continue reading
A Delusional Predisposition 