Tag: memory

  • Holding Friends Hostage

    Holding Friends Hostage

    Sometimes the people in our life try their best to understand mental illness. And it still falls short. Sometimes the people in our life won’t understand. And it’s not productive to hold that against them. There have been a lot of people in my life that have let me go over the years. For this…

  • Symptoms and Behavior

    Symptoms and Behavior

    There’s a huge difference between symptoms and behavior. They do overlap. Quite often. And quite detrimentally at times. But they are very different parts of me. I thought they were kinda one in the same until this week. Behavior is more of a controllable aspect. To an extent. Once I was aware of them. Then…

  • Blank

    Blank

    I’ve known for quite a long time that something was off with me. That I don’t think. Or act like a typical person. My explosive emotions repel most people. They repel me most times. It’s overwhelming to have big feelings all the time. So when the silence. And nothingness of dissociation takes hold. It throws…

  • An Empty Parking Lot

    An Empty Parking Lot

    I feel as though I’ve helped destroy my life. Well, let me rephrase that. I feel as though mental illness has helped destroy my life. My symptoms. My lack of decent behaviors. My shit coping mechanisms. My complete lack of insight till recently. It’s tough getting out of these cycles of chaos. They’re so habitual…

  • The Bigger Picture

    The Bigger Picture

    I feel like there are so many things I haven’t been able to comprehend. Especially over the span of my lifetime. I know I’ve said things like this in past entries too. And it’s tough to describe. But not many things “clicked” until recently. And recently, a lot of things have been making more sense…

  • Everything’s Different

    Everything’s Different

    My memory is shot. I feel like my capacity to remember anything has been cut in half since I was in my twenties. And I couldn’t remember anything back then either. It feels like these psychosis symptoms leave holes. They create a time warp for sure. The middle of the night could be two in…

  • Dissociation and Memories

    Dissociation and Memories

    I have an extremely difficult time remembering anything. Not just a few things in my life. Not just a couple of years. Most of them. I don’t remember much before the age of 12. Since then, there are really big pockets of blankness. Bits and pieces of memory here and there. If I’m lucky. Most…

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