A Delusional Predisposition

frustration

  • Stress

    This week has been much, much better symptom wise for me. I’ve been able to flow smoothly today. Awaiting the ebb, but not holding my breath. My psychotic and depression symptoms have been few the past couple of days. On… Continue reading

    Stress

  • Being Too Much

    The radio noises don’t bother me too much, especially the music I hear. It doesn’t frighten me like the voices do. The murmurs that come along with the radio noises are not fun, and it makes me feel overstimulated with… Continue reading

    Being Too Much

  • A Weekend to Remember

    I had a wonderful weekend last week. It was full of a wedding and blissful food and amazing, loving people.  It was terrific. I only really had one hour or so of symptoms, hearing the other people that are really… Continue reading

    A Weekend to Remember

  • Pain Levels

    My left knee is killing me today and has been for several days now. It burns, is very stiff, and spazzes and aches terribly every time I get up and walk around. It’s difficult to walk this week. And I… Continue reading

    Pain Levels

  • Suicidal Ideations

    I know this will be hard for a lot of people to read, so consider this a trigger warning that suicidal ideations and thoughts are to heavily follow this sentance. I have been obsessing over this lump that I have… Continue reading

    Suicidal Ideations

  • Shame

    I think one of the toughest things with mental illness for me is overcoming the shame of not being a “typical” person. Because I don’t like the word “normal” unless I’m dealing with the smell of food. Like does this… Continue reading

    Shame

  • Negative Symptoms

    Negative symptoms are just as frustrating and scary as  positive symptoms. I know I talk mainly about the positive ones, hallucinations, delusions and such. But negative symptoms are just as pesky and shitty as their counterpart. I’ve talked about it… Continue reading

    Negative Symptoms

  • Behavior

    I’m embarrassed about my behavior in the past. I know it’s not good to stare into the past, but I gotta learn my patterns somehow – and reflection is good for that. I was just thinking about all of the… Continue reading

    Behavior

  • Medical Trauma

    I have been in and out of doctors offices since I was born. I was on medication for my hypothyroidism before leaving the hospital after birth. That led to countless blood draws over the years. When I was younger I… Continue reading

    Medical Trauma

  • My Capacity

    I haven’t been writing that much the past few weeks. Dealing with this medication change and adjustment has been pretty brutal. Very brutal. I’m starting to come out the other side slowly, but I feel like it’s taking an eternity.… Continue reading

    My Capacity

  • Side Note 3

    I’ve got two things. The first thing is a couple of additions to Nomadic Protection that didn’t come to mind till after it was published. I have moved over twenty two times since 2004. And I have moved cities every… Continue reading

    Side Note 3

  • It’s Tiring: Part Two

    I was supposed to have an appointment with my prescriber (my psych NP) for my mental illness medications yesterday, but he called out and I got rescheduled. I did get my Invega injection at least. It was three days early… Continue reading

    It’s Tiring: Part Two

  • The Right People

    It’s really hard to wrap my head around things when I don’t remember much. I can’t recall much at all about anything. Why things went sour with someone. What I was thinking. Why this, that, or the other happened. I… Continue reading

    The Right People

  • It’s Tiring

    So I apologized to my neighbor today about my explosion yesterday and she acted like she had no idea what I was talking about. Maybe I made it all up. Or she was drunk like she gets. But she literally… Continue reading

    It’s Tiring

  • I Confronted the Neighbors

    I went out and asked them if they had just been talking about me. Talking shit, technically. I just blurted it out when I looked up at the third floor balcony. They were both out there. “Were you guys just… Continue reading

    I Confronted the Neighbors

  • Side Note 2

    These symptoms – hallucinations, delusions, paranoia.. they make me feel out of control. Like I don’t have a grip on my life. Like I’m lesser than a typical person because I can’t follow through with plans half of the time… Continue reading

    Side Note 2

  • Navigating My Mental Healthcare: Part Two

    I can’t even tell you how many therapists and psychiatrists I’ve seen over the years. Dozens. Easily. I currently deal with a doctor that doesn’t really believe me. He gives me the right medications. But when we talk he is… Continue reading

    Navigating My Mental Healthcare: Part Two