self loathing
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My Thoughts Were Internal Auditory Hallucinations
I’ve had two different entries for this week and last week and I’ve scrapped both when I was basically finished with them. I didn’t like them at all. So, this one better be good, eh? I’ve been anxious lately. And… Continue reading
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Hallucinations, Emotional Eating and a Coffee Table
I was in therapy today and we realized that after Tuesday the 29th, I don’t have another doctor appointment for a month. An entire month, y’all. I think that’s a record for the last year or so. I’m sure that… Continue reading
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Some of my Current Paranoia and Anxiety Struggles
I haven’t talked about my hallucinations or paranoia or anything mental illness symptom wise in a couple of entries. Not because they haven’t been happening. Just because I’ve been so focused and preoccupied on my physical symptoms, and keeping y’all… Continue reading
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Medical Issues Continued…
Oh boy it’s been a long week. It’s Friday night and I’m just getting around to starting to write. Ah, shit. That’s what I get for being busy. Monday this week I had my primary care appointment. It went really… Continue reading
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DVT’s, Chronic Pain, Mental Illness, Addiction, and More Doctors Appointments
I haven’t written anything yet this week and it’s late Thursday afternoon. I’ve been binge eating this last weekend. So nevermind my “just eating a bit of junk food” from the last entry. It got worse, and then it got… Continue reading
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My Two DVT Troubles; Sleep, Pain, Dissociating, Appointments and Medication Side Effects
So I’m still dealing with my DVT’s this week. Two of fucking them. They’re the blood clots that are in my right leg. They take weeks if not months to go away and dissolve. And even then still bits and… Continue reading
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A Procedure with a Twist of DVT
I had a sclerotherapy procedure on Friday afternoon last week. On my lower, right leg. Today is Saturday now (last week), and it’s going well. I’m sore, for sure. And a bit swollen. I had to limp a bit on… Continue reading
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I Binge Eat to Cope With my Emotions – My Emotional Relationship with Food
I meant to go to group today, it’s Tuesday. I was finishing up that Neutrality post from earlier this week, and totally lost track of time. I’m kinda mad at myself about it. At least there’s Life Skills tomorrow, so… Continue reading
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Neutrality, The Lost Middle Step on The Journey to Self Love -aka- Holding Myself in Neutrality, Because I’m Not Ready to Even Like Myself Yet
TW: a brief mention of sh, no details, one mention of ideations, no details, self loathing thoughts discussed in detail. I have actively hated myself for decades. I am talking, most of my life. Active self hating thoughts of “you’re… Continue reading
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Opposite: A Lost Personality Post Psychotic Break, and Other Things
I had this whole different entry written up. It was about sh. I can’t even spell it out because I remembered at the end, this morning, that fb and bluesky will block me if I fucking do. But I had… Continue reading
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A Voices Dialogue, and Having Chronic Pain with Schizoaffective Disorder
I’ve been hearing the third floor neighbor talk about me. Again. This time it’s the voice of the new third floor neighbor, and her grandson, just agreeing with her with a random “mmm-hmm” and whatnot. She was talking to her… Continue reading
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Hypothyroidism and Anhedonia, Along with Being “Too Much” and Losing Trust in People
I’m feeling empty. I don’t like myself, or anything really. I’m still feeling like a massive disappointment in life and like nothing matters. I just don’t really care about much but Bruce. The tv isn’t interesting. I haven’t listened to… Continue reading
