Navigating My Healthcare

I feel like I’ve been busy this week.

But really I’ve been preoccupied.

I had an arthritis medication that the doctor’s office just simply wasn’t doing anything about. 

I called each day this week.

Because I had put in my request last week.

And nothing was  at the pharmacy.

Still.

I talked to the same person most times I called them.

She even gave me her extension.

Which I used.

And still nothing happened.

They kept telling me.

That the request is “sitting in his inbox”.

And they have 72 hours to reply.

Well, can you tell him to get it done?

Ask him if he’s seen it?

Has he even seen it?

Nothing but excuses came back.

I asked to speak with a manager.

Just to be told that the managers were all busy.

Everyone gave me the run around.

Every time.

I couldn’t help but think.

About how hard it is to navigate this type of shit when I’m in psychosis.

When I’m having a lot of symptoms.

And how I used to just go the fuck off on people.

I didn’t do that this week.

I expressed my frustrations.

Was adamant.

Not demanding.

And was simply curious as to why this task was so difficult for them to accomplish.

I did get a little upset on Friday.

Today.

When I had been waiting nine days already.

But I didn’t get bitchy.

I just got annoying.

Inquisitive.

And I’m proud of myself for that today.

I handled the whole situation really well.

Granted it made my week super long.

Being out of muscle spasm medication.

And continuing to have muscle spasms.

Is not fucking fun.

Especially since this same office rescheduled my spine injection for the middle of April today.

It’s no longer this Monday like it should’ve been.

I’ve had that appointment scheduled for a month too.

They’re disorganized.

And I used to take things like that very personal.

Very.

Personal.

In the past I have taken many things personal that wern’t.

Like, somehow I could’ve changed the situation if I would’ve said the magic words.

Even though I don’t know what the magic words are.

And I know magic words are not rational.

Sometimes.

Things just fucking suck.

Sometimes.

Relying on other people to do their job.

Or to be a good person.

Fails.

And then I’m right back at the beginning after days of working on the same project.

The same issue.

All because of outside hurdles and roadblocks.

People not listening.

Not empathizing.

I ended up having to go into the clinic and pleading with the receptionist I “know” to talk to my PA about it.

She did.

And after nine days.

It took him an hour.

He didn’t see the request.

He thought he’d already done it.

I learned a long time ago to advocate for myself.

When I’m in psychosis though.

It’s not impossible.

Just very.

Very.

Very difficult to do without exploding into chaotic words.

Or losing focus.

Or not hearing the other person correctly.

Or feeling utterly helpless.

Advocating for yourself takes skills.

Patience.

Communication.

Understanding the limitations of them.

And me.

Normally I’d just get upset.

Start crying.

I’m a cryer.

It’s annoying.

But today I was just logical.

What can I do?

What’s in my power to do?

Showing up face to face has a bigger impact.

People say and do things over the phone that would never.

I mean never happen in a face to face meeting.

I worked in a call center for a long time.

And learned that very quickly.

It’s like when I found out.

Over the phone.

That my NP wasn’t getting me.

My words.

My issues.

This was when I was dealing with him at my mental health clinic this month.

I decided to do everything in my power to help him understand.

Instead of push away.

Like I have my entire life.

In the spirit of doing things differently.

I wrote everything down that I wanted to say.

Everything.

Verbatim.

No bullet points.

They just get confusing and mush together somehow anyway.

And I never end up getting my main points across.

This time though.

This time I used my tools.

My skills.

And communicated appropriately and succinctly.

Being an advocate for your own health is fucking frustrating.

I know how these things work.

I worked at a few doctors’ offices in the past.

I know how insurances work.

I know that it normally comes down to people not communicating properly.

It could be by mistake.

It could be due to not being happy at work.

It could be negligence.

Regardless.

It’s fucking annoying to try to learn how to navigate my healthcare.

And be there for myself.

When I need it most.

It’s disheartening at times.

This week was a difficult week for me because of my need to advocate so heavily everyday.

But next week I don’t have to deal with that.

Today I don’t have to deal with it again.

Thankfully.

It’s pretty exhausting.

– Keren