stress
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Stress
This week has been much, much better symptom wise for me. I’ve been able to flow smoothly today. Awaiting the ebb, but not holding my breath. My psychotic and depression symptoms have been few the past couple of days. On… Continue reading
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Under the Weather
I’ve had a terrible cold this week, so pardon me if this entry is not too terribly long or interesting. I honestly don’t have much to say I guess, I’ve been coughing and trying to rest, so we’ll see how… Continue reading
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Trusting Myself
I’ve been having symptoms kick up with my pain levels remaining quite high still. I also have an infection in a tooth of mine and am in need of a horribly helpful root canal. Boo. They’re just so uncomfortable. I… Continue reading
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Pain Levels and Depression Medication
My inflammatory osteoarthritis hasn’t been letting me sleep at all this week. Well, it’s been six days now of not being able to stay asleep through even half the night. It’s terrible really. I’m exhausted and can’t sleep because my… Continue reading
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Being Too Much
The radio noises don’t bother me too much, especially the music I hear. It doesn’t frighten me like the voices do. The murmurs that come along with the radio noises are not fun, and it makes me feel overstimulated with… Continue reading
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Dreams or Thoughts
I keep having these recurring things in my dreams. I’m always carrying a backpack or bag that’s too way way way too heavy for me. Like, once it’s off my back it takes someone helping me to get it back… Continue reading
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Imposter
It’s been feeling like I don’t have much to write about the last few weeks. I’ve been posting still, but I’m back to once a week right now for the most part. I sometimes wonder if the pain that comes… Continue reading
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Stability
Stability is not always a given for me. I don’t think it’s a given for a lot of folks out there. I fluctuate back and forth between being lucid and not. And back and forth on my ability to be… Continue reading
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A Weekend to Remember
I had a wonderful weekend last week. It was full of a wedding and blissful food and amazing, loving people. It was terrific. I only really had one hour or so of symptoms, hearing the other people that are really… Continue reading
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Pain Levels
My left knee is killing me today and has been for several days now. It burns, is very stiff, and spazzes and aches terribly every time I get up and walk around. It’s difficult to walk this week. And I… Continue reading
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Suicidal Ideations
I know this will be hard for a lot of people to read, so consider this a trigger warning that suicidal ideations and thoughts are to heavily follow this sentance. I have been obsessing over this lump that I have… Continue reading
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Fixations and Bruce Wayne
I have this strange lump on the right side of my neck. I’m hoping it’s just a cyst or something harmless. And I won’t know much about it till Wednesday, when I have a follow up after the ultrasound tomorrow.… Continue reading
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Childless
Sometimes I regret not having kids. I never wanted any, but I feel like I should’ve over the years. There was a time, a couple of months, where my ex husband and I were thinking about it. He wanted kids.… Continue reading
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Shame
I think one of the toughest things with mental illness for me is overcoming the shame of not being a “typical” person. Because I don’t like the word “normal” unless I’m dealing with the smell of food. Like does this… Continue reading
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Drooling
It’s really strange to say this, but I’ve been drooling lately. Come to google this here. While I’m thankful for the validation, I’m frustrated that it’s not written about more. There’s not much on it. Some wordy studies here and… Continue reading
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Medical Trauma
I have been in and out of doctors offices since I was born. I was on medication for my hypothyroidism before leaving the hospital after birth. That led to countless blood draws over the years. When I was younger I… Continue reading
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Haldol
I can’t express the exhaustion I’ve been dealing with the medication changes from this week and last. It’s been much more debilitating than any other medication change before. I’ve been down for the count since starting the Haldol. And I… Continue reading
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It’s Tiring: Part Two
I was supposed to have an appointment with my prescriber (my psych NP) for my mental illness medications yesterday, but he called out and I got rescheduled. I did get my Invega injection at least. It was three days early… Continue reading
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Debbie Downer
I didn’t go to the gym again yesterday. I didn’t want to. Didn’t feel like it. It’s been a rough week. I did go to my schizophrenia support group online Thursday night though. So that helped a little bit. I… Continue reading
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I Confronted the Neighbors
I went out and asked them if they had just been talking about me. Talking shit, technically. I just blurted it out when I looked up at the third floor balcony. They were both out there. “Were you guys just… Continue reading
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This Too Shall Pass
I noticed a lack of something latey. Music in my head. I used to have music playing constantly in my mind. Tones that I had heard before. Songs that I know. Layered over and through oneanother. Just, really, quite constant… Continue reading
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Side Note 2
These symptoms – hallucinations, delusions, paranoia.. they make me feel out of control. Like I don’t have a grip on my life. Like I’m lesser than a typical person because I can’t follow through with plans half of the time… Continue reading
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Stress Turns Into Symptoms
I know now that stress plays a huge part in my psychotic symptoms. I never realized how big of a role it carries. My symptoms are dying down again after a few days of being pretty heavy and thick. The… Continue reading
A Delusional Predisposition 