mood tracker
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Food and Hallucinations (and More Doctor Appointments)
I keep having weeks so busy that I have no time to write. I keep forgetting to fill out my mood app every day too. Then I have to go back and try to remember what was going on on… Continue reading
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Schizoaffective Disorder and Money
It’s been a slow moving week. I suppose that’s a good thing. I’ve been sorta unmotivated lately – unfocused. I can’t help but worry about the future. I’m paranoid about the next steps and what that looks like in my… Continue reading
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People Are Ridiculous
It’s been a stupid, shitty week again. High pain levels, and night terrors practically every night. My pain and night terrors have been taking turns waking me up every stupid fucking night. I’m exhausted. Last week was a doozy too.… Continue reading
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I Don’t Think I’m Bipolar, And I’m Mindblown
Again, I’m going to talk about my last psychotic episode. The one I had that ended last week, er, the week before, now. It lasted longer than I thought. Well, it started further back than I originally thought. I went… Continue reading
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This Last Episode
Welp, I renewed my domain name and subscription and whatnot with WordPress today. I’ve been writing at least once a week for this blog since 2022. Part of me says why stop now? Keep bitching and moaning. So here I… Continue reading
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I Realized I was Depressed and Paranoid
I’m still upset at life. I still don’t know if I’m going to continue writing this blog or not. It’ll have been three years of it already in a few weeks. I haven’t decided if I’ll renew my domain name… Continue reading
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Parts of My Verbal Auditory Hallucinations
I had a difficult realization over this last week. That most of the “neighbors” that I hear talking amongst themselves on my walks are still hallucinations. *sigh* I had noticed that there’s usually not one person outside when I hear… Continue reading
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Trusting Myself For The First Time
All I’ve been doing the past few weeks is walking for my vein ablation recovery instructions. It’s been engulfing. Which is kinda nice because I feel like I haven’t had much time to think about a lot. Even though I… Continue reading
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I’m Feeling Like Isolating
I saw this meme quote thing the other day. It said something to the extent that trauma can make someone feel that they need to isolate. And I’ve been thinking about that a lot this week. I even talked about… Continue reading
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The First Vein Ablation
This was an eventful week. I’ve been busy and tired, but good. Voices have been acting up but not terribly bad, they’ve just been mildly annoying. Just mainly while I’m out on walks, like they do. They did better again… Continue reading
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Thought Loss
I’ve been dealing with a lot of thought loss the last few years. And it’s gotten better. But it’s much worse than it used to be. And I talk about this a lot. You know when you’re mid thought, mid… Continue reading
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A Vein Ablation and Weight Loss
I’m having a decent week, finally. After episodes of pain, psychosis, depression, anxiety, more pain, more psychosis, more depression and then even more pain and then even more psychosis and then even more anxiety, I can finally, finally breathe today.… Continue reading
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Patterns of My Psychosis are Surfacing
Holy shit, that’s it. That’s part of the prodromal phase for me. I pull away from people. I can see it now. People start annoying the shit out of me, for no reason. I suddenly hate getting messages and calls,… Continue reading
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Hallucinations and an Ablation
It’s Sunday afternoon and my back pain is making me nauseous. It’s 4:16pm and all i’ve had is a Red Bull and a Chobani Flip. Quite a stark contrast from the last few days. I hurt. My lower back feels… Continue reading
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Signs of an Episode
There are a few things that are signs that a psychotic episode is going to happen or is happening to me. The more I think about it, I’m able to slowly put two and two together a bit better as… Continue reading
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Bipolar Rage
I can’t keep doing the same things and expect things to be different. That’s literally insanity. I have been an oversharer most of my life. But that’s not me anymore. Well, rather, I don’t want to be that person anymore.… Continue reading
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Anxious With The Wait
It’s been a strange feeling week. I’m so anxious for my disability hearing next month that it’s making me nauseous and so anxious I can barely stand to be around myself. I’m glad I get the opportunity to speak and… Continue reading
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Self Care
I’m still struggling with the emptiness. It’s so abundant. My symptoms of hallucinations and delusions have been very quiet the past several days. It’s odd because it’s not that I miss them when they’re gone. It’s just that, from everywhere,… Continue reading
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Daylio
Daylio is the name of my mood app. It’s an eye opening tool for me. I can track different moods that I have throughout the day. I can apply whatever “activity” or symptoms within those different moods. Everything is super… Continue reading
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Changes
During the past month I’ve been noticing that I have very high blood pressure and quite a bit of chest pains. I didn’t even think about them being from my Seroquel until last Friday. I noticed that overall, I hadn’t… Continue reading
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Therapy
I have been in and out of talk therapy for quite some time. I was made to go when I was younger. Because, even at a young age, the darkness and doom engulfed my core being. I was originally sent… Continue reading
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Splitting
I can easily split into a completely different version of myself. Splitting turns me into a person that has an impossible time separating my behaviors from my personality. It’s like my emotions completely take over my mind and body and… Continue reading
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Medications: Part One
My Seroquel dose was upped again this week. I’m writing this entry through very heavy eyelids. A big downfall for me has always been how exhausted my psych meds can make me. I have taken Synthroid every day since birth,… Continue reading
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The Start
When I’m in a high stress situation, I shut down or switch over or snap or split. These actions are attempts at self preservation – and also surface from subconscious neurological misfirings. It’s fear of abandonment. It’s fear of rejection. … Continue reading
A Delusional Predisposition 