Medications: Part Three

Medications are filled with tons of stigma.

Especially antipsychotics.

Taking them is admitting that I need help.

And I can’t do this life on my own.

It’s stressful.

It’s packed with shame.

Especially when folks who don’t have to take medicine, comment on my medicine.

Like they understand what I go through.

Like they think they know better.

Like meds are some conspiracy by “big pharma” to keep me hooked?

On Meloxicam and Visteral?

On Synthroid and Effexor?

On medications that are finally making me feel kinda “normal”?

Why do people judge like that?

What does that accomplish?

What makes it even more stressful and annoying is that they’re not a doctor, at all.

Not even close.

They have no fucking idea.

They didn’t go to school to study medicine.

And they don’t struggle with the health issues that I do.

I’ve heard people comment on the amount of meds I take.

And this is the least amount of meds I’ve been on in a very long time.

The comments sting.

They feel judgmental and out of date.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.

Medications, antipsychotics specifically, have made my life livable.

I’m eternally grateful for them, and the folks who found them.

I would not be here without them.

These same people who make comments on my meds are full of wishes.

“I wish you could get off some of these meds.”

“I wish you didn’t have to take as many meds.”

Well, I wish that you’d stop assuming that medicine is unnecessary and evil.

That I’m taking these meds to just be taking them?

Fuck off.

I wish that for one day, when my symptoms are acting up hardcore, that they would live life in my shoes.

I can guarantee you’d be grateful for medications.

And fully understand their worth at that time.

Seriously, enough with the criticism.

No one can fully understand anyone else.

And the outside of me rarely matches the inside.

I can be crying inside and laughing outside.

Or vice versa.

So, why do people feel the need to comment or judge others on such a topic as meds?

Is it a sense of superiority?

I’m damaged – look at how many meds I take.

No.

That’s just not okay.

Hell, even just finding the right meds is another battle all on its own.

I live by myself now.

And I don’t have many visitors.

So I leave my medications and supplements out.

I don’t care about hiding them or anything.

Why bother?

I have an app that alerts me when it’s time to take meds too.

So, they just sit out on my coffee table.

Why should I hide them?

Well, when I leave them out like I do.

Everyone can judge.

Everyone has some words to say at all fucking times.

I don’t comment on personal shit at people’s houses.

If someone had some bottles of meds sitting out I would never ask them about them.

Unless it was an addiction issue.

That’s different, and depends on the situation.

But pill bottles or supplements sitting out?

I’d probably say something like #selfcare!

I would never, ever in my life, tell them they need to take less meds.

That is SO not my place.

That’s between the person and their doctor.

It’s fascinating to me how people comment on others’ lives like that.

Who the fuck do you think you are?

Why would you ever say that to anyone?

The same people would never go into a house of a cancer victim and say “you need to get off some of these meds”.

So why is it okay for them to say that to me?

It’s extremely frustrating and rude, really.

But that’s what stigma is based on, right?

Someone thinking they know better than others.

They know what’s “normal” and what’s not.

That they’re the “good” people that should be listened to.

Well, I call bullshit.

Medications are wonderful.

“Big pharma” does try to push drugs on people.

I agree with that.

But that habit has been curbing drastically in the past five years or so.

It’s not like that anymore.

Maybe because I’m no longer seeking.

And I take meds I need.

Bottom line.

Period.

And when someone passes judgment on me for that, it’s painful and accusatory to me.

Maybe that’s because I am a recovering addict too.

There’s a hint of untrust from some of the med comments.

But that’s not my battle.

That’s theirs.

And not letting myself take on others feelings or emotions is a whole other entry.

– Keren