medication
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Psychosis, EMDR, and Pain Levels
The other day I was walking Bruce and I had a big visual hallucination. It was like the world was suddenly zooming out. I was looking down the sidewalk, and things were getting further away. Like in the cartoons. This… Continue reading
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This Is Late and Random
As I sit here my knee is swelling up. I fucking KNEW the steroid burst was too small. I KNEW I needed a higher dose to really curb all of it. Fuck. This sucks. I could barely get into my… Continue reading
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I’m No Longer Actively Hating Myself
Welp, trump won. That fucking happened. I sure as hell didn’t vote for him. But that’s not what this entry is about, so I digress. I was in therapy on Thursday morning and Sean asked me what I was doing/thinking/feeling… Continue reading
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Vacation
I’m on the plane now to Seattle. I ‘m sitting here cramped into a seat becasue my ass is too fat, ha! The woman next to me is adjusting her position every five seconds and it’s annoying as hell. I’m… Continue reading
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A Nightmare and Other Stuff Like Vacation
I had a dream the other night that I was stabbed again. But this time it wasn’t real. I woke up out of breath. I had gotten into some sort of altercation with another woman and she stabbed me in… Continue reading
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Self Care and Payments
I’ve written like four entries this week and hated all of them. Now it’s Thursday evening and I’m scrambling to write something for tomorrow. I just kept forgetting to write this week too. I had a lot of appointments again… Continue reading
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Untitled
It’s been a great week. And it’s only Tuesday as I start this entry. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to say that. Today I got some of the backpay from my disability claim. I was able… Continue reading
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Ignoring Certain Things
I’ve been ignoring my physical health for a while now again. A few months. It’s just so hard to focus on anything with my medications being leveled out and my disability hearing and all of that being in limbo for… Continue reading
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Dating & Other Fears
I’m having these physical responses to dating. Like the first one I was so anxious about the lack of conversation, I started to break out in a sweat. Or maybe that was from the real fucking crowded restaurant we were… Continue reading
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Signs of an Episode
There are a few things that are signs that a psychotic episode is going to happen or is happening to me. The more I think about it, I’m able to slowly put two and two together a bit better as… Continue reading
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Reunited
This week has been surprisingly good. I have recently reconnected this week with a great friend, and it’s been so so so nice to catch up and reunite. It feels good, having a friend. A good friend. A real friend,… Continue reading
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Breakthrough Psychotic Symptoms
So, Thursday night last week I had some terrible breakthrough symptoms. I kept hearing my neighbor (of course),(surprise, surprise), who’s my friend down at the end of my building, talk about me to another neighbor. She kept talking about how… Continue reading
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Medications: Part Nine
*TW: Self Harm* I had my hearing yesterday morning for disability, and I’ll have the official answer, or decision rather, in a few months. So I have done all of the things in my power to get this approved and… Continue reading
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EMDR Therapy
This week has been up and down. I’ve been going to a “life skills class”, which is a group at my therapist’s office. I’ve gone the past couple of Wednesday’s and I’ve really been liking it. We’ve been talking about… Continue reading
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An Incomplete Puzzle
The past couple weeks I’ve gone to a life skills class at my therapist’s office. They have an art room there too folks just hang out in. Sean, my therapist, actually runs the group and suggested I give it a… Continue reading
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Voices and a Theory
This week has been bad and I’ve been struggling. I’ve been having horrible breakthrough symptoms this week, but today I feel a bit better. Yesterday was day four back on Haldol. I can feel it working, but it just makes… Continue reading
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Milestone Weight Loss
It’s been an alright week. Pain levels are back to their full and dull roar, and I haven’t had many big hallucinations, just small ones. I also hit a milestone and lost 100lbs this week. Then I treated myself and… Continue reading
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Clinging to Words
Sometimes it feels like I lose track of everything. Names, places, conversations, memories, clothes. I forget things mid thought, mid sentence even and can’t get it back. I can’t place names to people for the life of me, let alone… Continue reading
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Pain and a Walker
My pain levels are finally starting to recede! I hope I don’t jinx anything by saying that. And the pain isn’t all gone, it’s just dulling. It never fully leaves. But my inflammation is way, way, down and practically back… Continue reading
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Suboxone
I can barely walk again today. This is week three of intense pain levels that show no sign of slowing. I can barely sit up and go to the bathroom. Sitting down on the toilet with bad knees makes it… Continue reading
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Depression Part Two
This week I’ve still been feeling pretty dark. Not actively, quite subconsciously. Deep, deep, deep down. I’ve struggled with depression since I was around twelve or thirteen years old. I’m trying so hard to not be depressed (like I can).… Continue reading
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Pain and Tardiness
My body has been hurting so, so bad this week. I’m in the middle of a fucking inflammatory arthritic flare now. My right knee hurts so, so, so bad. And so does the left one, and my left foot, and… Continue reading
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Sleep and Others
There were more auditory hallucinations over this last weekend. They seemed to have drifted off throughout the week though. They got quieter. It was just a lot of mumbles and feeling like I’m in a crowd, or there’s a group… Continue reading
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Aging and Others
I had my appointment with my psych NP, Alex this Tuesday, and he switched me to the oral Invega! Technically it’s the generic, Paliperidone, which is just fine with me. He said the main reason he wanted to talk to… Continue reading
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What A Birthday Week
I’m so annoyed with my psych clinic. I’ve been waiting over a week to be switched from the brand name Invega injections, to generic, oral, Paliperidone. They’re the same thing, but one is a shot, and the other is a… Continue reading
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A Medication Change
I’m waiting on a call back from the nurse at my mental health clinic again. I left a voicemail again on Wednesday, but I’m trying to not be annoying to the nurse at the same time. When I did talk… Continue reading






































































